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I have an Annoying Neighbor...Make Him Move Then! :)
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Yeah, I know what your thinking. "WOW, you've read my mind! I do have annoying neighbors!" Well, I have taken the liberty to teach you ways of wreaking havoc on your neighbors. These especially work if you talk very little with the people next door.

If your neighbors are anything like mine you will want them to move also. (But since mine are my crazy aunt and uncle and their fat son who plays with sticks and imaginary monsters, you might be a little bit of a minority to moi.) These are a few things that I have done in the past and things that a more gutsy fellow can try. Enjoy...

I have tried this one. My aunt, thank the good Lord, never found out who did it. What you do is make a concoction, (I used thousand island dressing, flower, green food coloring and paprika for some added pretty speckles.) and mix it until it is a paste. Then smooth the paste on the various plants in the yard. NO PLANTS? Find a tree and claim a wierd kind of mushroom is infesting the trees in the neighborhood. Tricky move, cause you'll have to lie...

My cousin had a treehouse in his yard and my sister and I would go across the yard and open the door then run like hell. The next day he would ask who did and we claimed we saw a little boy running across the street with a red hat on. "He did it!" we would yell.

My sister and I had a swingset in our backyard and played on it quite frequently. One day we made the discovery that if you yelled through the top bar it made everything louder, kind of like a megaphone. Well, we decided that we would make it a drive through window type thing. My aunt and uncles names are Yvonne and Gary and my cousins name is Charles. Well, anyway, we began to yell various things through until we got the idea to yell this:


My cousin also played with sticks as a child and pretended to be an evil warlord fighting monsters of the deep. Many times we would see him in our yard beating the shit out of some imaginary character. Anyway, once in a while we would go and steal his sticks, which he stupidly left out in the open. He would come across the yard fuming. knowing we took them and you could almost see the steam coming out of his ears. My mom knew nothing about it, so she told him we had been inside all day. Of course we hadn't and the next day we would go outside and sneakily bring them back over to the same spot.

When I mow the lawn I always leave at least a three foot wide strip of grass between my yard and my neighbors yard so as to not leave any confusion to either party. He always ends up mowing it though...hmmm....

At my birthday parties I always flash the lights on and off again to see if they will flash them back. They never do but they always call at 3 in the morning to talk to my parents. I wish they would just use the lights on/lights off code.

I eat balls on a daily basis.

At night transplant the plants in their garden. In the morning say, "looks like they're on the move again."

Dig shallow graves at night filling your yard with brown grave patches. Make markers out of household appliances.

Patrol the perimeter of your yard while carrying a broom. If they come close state that there is a 3 foot neutral area between the two yards.
Bring them restraining orders on inanimate objects in their house. (i.e., chairs, books, lamps, etc.)
If your neighbors are extremely conservative and you've got a window they can see in make sure to walk around naked in front of it as often as possible. And also if possible, walk around naked outside, while doing such things as gardening, mowing the lawn, and fixing the car.



Taking a break from work

What a job!

Once you Corey...you will be sorry.

You think he's gay? He's more gay than a box of Ritz crackers with cheese on them. YUM...


Today I will state that Corey's gayness has now been delivered evil. He is now allowed to date whomever he pleases. Even if that person is Ru Paul. Look below for corey who is in our spotlight of the week.

Here's a list of some of my favorite music:

Nirvana, Frank Sinatra, Ibrahim Ferrer