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Boyfriend Manual
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Boyfriend Manual

Today you purchased the _____________________ (girlfriends name here) 5000 model #A1960B. This model is extremely sensetive and responds well to attention. Oh, you expected you could neglect it and have fun and play games with it? Well, you are sadly mistaken.

Operating Instructions
System Features
Extra Benefits of Use

Operating Instructions:
The system that you have purchased today requires no plugging in, no batteries, only tender loving care. It needs to be treated with as much care as it possibly can take and cannot be neglected. I repeat; CANNOT BE NEGLECTED.
*Works well under non-strenuous conditions. Will experience some technical difficulties once a month. During this time will need plenty of love. NEVER IGNORE.

System Features:
A Built-in-timer that tells when enough is enough. Emotion sensetive.
Independent Clothing Change- Changes clothes by itself.
50000 GB Memory System
Ability to remember every bad thing that you have done.
Knows directions well
Fashionably sensable
Child-rearing capability
Internal Item GPS System
Amazing Volume Control

As the owner of this system you now have full responsibility for your product. You must show up for all of the events that she sponsors or appears in even if Monday Night Football or Stripperella is. (Especially if she comes to all of your baseball gamea, work functions and tailgate parties.) PMS should not be followed by the definition as "bitch time". We don't care if SportsCenter is on. You're listening to what we have to say. We like to hear the word hot, beautiful, great, wonderful and amazing in this sentence: My girlfriend is _____________. We do enjoy walks on the beach and love letters. Don't be cheap. Buy us a gift once in a while.

A Warm Massage always works wonders.

Extra Benefits of Use:
These are a given.