Emperor Lost- The Kingdom of No-Brainers
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Many people say to their significant others, "you are the wind beneath my wings". We decided to make up some insults that will forever be on your mind and the people you use them on. Enjoy and use often.


* You are the crossed out picture in my yearbook.
* You are the damn ladybug that just won't go away.
* You are the price sticker on gifts that won't come off.
* You are the mashed potatoes on my cheesecake.
* You are the dead flowers I throw away.
* You are the missing finger on my left hand.
* You are the Sam Balkum in my perfectly useless day.
* You are the pen that stops working during a test.
* You are the eraser that leaves black marks when first used.
* You are the one picture in my 24 exposure camera that came out...and that sucks.
* You are the wet snow down my shirt.
* You are the dirty sock on my right foot.
* You are the scratch on my CD's.
* You are the comb at the bottom of the drawer that has no teeth.
* You are the blackhead in my ear.
* You are the calm water during my surfing lessons.
* You are the tile missing from my bathroom floor.
* You are the sweatstain on my new white t-shirt.
* You are the grease in my hair.
* You are the hair on my backside.
* You are the cheap ass whore who gave me herpes. (An original from my friend Al.)
* You are the weed growing in my garden.
* You are the rip in my jeans.
* You are the flatulence on a crowded bus.
* You are the chafed skin on my ass.
* You are the broken pencil at the bottom of the box.
* You are the poop brown crayon no one uses; except when drawing poop.
* You are the eyelash in my crusted eye.
* You are the voice in the library that won't shut up.
* You are the screeching noise of nails on a chalkboard.
* You are the orange from hell.
* You are the tear at the bottom of my jeans.
* You are endangered human soon to be extinct on my list.
* You are the zit on Tyler's woohoo.
* You are the skid mark on my floor.
* You are the drool on my face when I wake up.
* You are the wax in my ears.
* You are the one strand of hair in the mole on my ass.
* You are the dirt in my water.
* You are the rock in my shoe.
* You are the stinky onion I rip off my cheeseburger and throw away.
* You are the skid mark in my underwear.
* You are the hair that has shedded off my dogs backside.
* You are the ugly blue-footed booby bird in my zoo.
* You are the ring in the toilet that doesn't go away when cleaned.
* You are the pop-up message when I'm on the internet.
* You are the condom that I can't find when I need it. (An original from Vegetable Pierogi.)
* You are the splinter in my ass.
* You are a fifteen dollar CD I bought that sucks.
* NEW***
* You are the scum on the bottom of my coffee cup.
* You are the dirt on the bottom of my shoe.
* You are the error page on my internet download.
* You are the skip on my CD.
* You are the broken pencil on the bottom of the bag.
* You are the rash that I get when I wipe too hard.
* You are the orthodontist.
* You are the hair between my ass cheeks.
* You are the rain during a good baseball game. It happens to be outside.
* You are the double-sided tape for my dress that keeps falling off during Prom.
* You are the mini-skirt on a fat ugly chick.
* You are the piss running down my leg.
* You are the fat underneath my ass when I wear tight underwear.
* You are the flowers on my grave.
* You are skunk weed that no one wants to smoke.
* You are the dumb song that keeps playing over and over on the radio.
* You are the tumor on my poor dog.
* You are the school bus driving in front of me that keeps stopping.
* You are the flat, warm soda in my car.
* You are the hole in the toe of my sock.
* You are the single dandelion on my otherwise perfectly green lawn.
* You are the golf club I just broke over my knee, and that I really needed for my next shot.
* You are the key on my keyboard that sticks.
* You are the mold on my bologna sandwich.
* You are the school bus in front of me that keeps stopping when I'm in a hurry.
* You are the tumor on my dog's back.
* You are the forty dollar blender I bought and that doesn't work.
* You are the unappreciative prick I served at dinner.
* You are the wood tick on my leg.
* You are the sand in my swimming suit
* You are the peeling sunburn on my back.
* You are the baby puke on my shoe.
* You are the head lice in my hair.
* You are the comeback I can't think of in time.

Today I will love a tulip...